Chapter 10: No Light, No Light
I tensed the moment I awoke, instinctually preparing for danger. I had no idea what had broken my sleep – a sound? a bad dream? a message from the bond? – but combined with the skittishness that had taken root following Keel’s visit, it was enough to send my heart racing double time. I kept my eyes closed, my breathing quiet and shallow, and listened to my surroundings. The compound’s circulation system hummed, the elevator whirred somewhere deep in the building, but nothing else made a sound. Then I reached out with the bond for Keel. A gentle “where is he,” hopefully not enough to make him aware I was looking. He was several storeys above me, in the storage facility again. Weird. Shouldn’t a king be sitting on his throne? What was he doing up there?
Oh well, better there than here, I thought.
I gave a final listen to the room, it remained still, tomb-like. Clearly my “danger!” reflexes were operating on overdrive. I opened my eyes and a million tiny invisible dangers thrust themselves in. I slammed my fists into their sockets. Owwwww. What the? Ugh, the contacts. I’d slept with the contacts in.
I cracked my eyelids a sliver, as much as I could bear, and made for the bathroom. Its entrance was disguised by the wood panelling and built-in shelving that surrounded the bedroom part of the suite, but I’d spent enough time here to know where the button was to trigger the door, even half-blind. I stepped into the sterile white room and splashed cold water on my face from the sink. Then I pried the coloured contacts out and dropped them in the garbage. There was no need for disguises here. I studied my face in the mirror. Despite having slept like the dead, I didn’t look particularly alive. My skin was pale and blotchy, and my hair framed my face in a mop of greasy, stringy strands. The only thing that seemed brighter than usual were the rings around my irises. But I might have been imagining that. This place was already screwing with my head.
I eyed the shower, but I wanted to double check the main room – and on Keel – before I climbed in all naked and vulnerable. I padded back to the bedroom area and surveyed the remaining space. The lights were still on, and I was alone.
Something was different, though; a folding TV table had been set up beside the elevator, it held a spread of food and some papers.
A shiver ran down my spine. The food meant that someone had been here while I’d slept and I hadn’t even noticed. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I berated myself, having no idea of what I could have done differently.
I crossed the room to the food. It resembled the platters served when I’d been imprisoned below; it held several kinds of meats, vegetables and fruits, with the noted difference that it came with proper cutlery, napkins and a full pitcher of water instead of just a glass. When I picked up the tray, the papers pinned beneath it fluttered to the floor. I put the food down and bent to pick them up. The text resembled a menu, but instead of dishes, it was a list of various foods, each with two boxes beside them to indicate whether I liked them or not.
I stared at the list for a long time, not knowing what to make of it. I was pretty sure this was a kindness drawn up just for me, but at whose orders? And why? Keel had hadn’t exactly given the impression that he cared for my general comfort. I placed the pages back down on the folding table and took the food to the desk to eat.
It was delicious, especially after subsisting on nothing but gas station snacks and air for the last couple of days. Sure, I’d also drank Keel’s blood, but as far as I was concerned that didn’t count. I took my time with the meal, savouring every bite. Only pausing when I heard the elevator approach, but it never stopped on this level.
I finished eating undisturbed and filled out the food survey. I considered sending it back empty as a passive-aggressive form of protest, but knowing Keel he’d use that as an opportunity to make my meals uncomfortable too. No, I’d have to be smart and pick my battles, and sustenance was too important to sabotage.
Play the game, I reminded myself, and aim to play it better than him.
It was depressing how fast I was slipping back into compound mode.
Even now I kept every light blazing. Not that they made me any safer, but there was something consoling about holding the shadows at bay. Nowhere to hide now, Keel, I thought and checked on him again. He hadn’t moved.
His time away gave me time to plan and plan I did. As the minutes passed into hours, I ran through how I’d steer our next encounter, making minor tweaks and adjustments until I felt confident that my chances of pulling it off were good.
It wouldn’t spare me from being bitten – in fact, it pretty much guaranteed I would be – but if it played out as intended, I might get some much-needed intel (and my belongings).
No, this game would not be played fast, but with any luck, it’d be played right.
***
When Keel came back, I was ready and waiting. Earlier in the day, I’d moved the chair from the desk to the middle of the room, so it faced the elevator. Every time that metal box rumbled upwards, I slid into that chair, knowing sooner or later His Majesty would arrive. And eventually, he did.
“Good evening, Your Majesty,” I said as the elevator doors slid open and Keel took in the room and me – still wearing his sweats and T-shirt. Suspicion etched itself onto his features, making them more angular than usual. This isn’t how he thought he’d find me.
So far so good. Keep him off balance, Mills.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday,” I offered, “and that was my fault.”
The look on his face morphed into one of incredulity, he clearly wanted to keep the power in this little dynamic and I was siphoning it away by taking a non-confrontational approach.
I stood and returned the chair to its usual spot by the desk. I didn’t rush and I paid no attention to Keel while I did so. He didn’t move, just continued to stare at me, trying to figure out what I was up to. He’d arrived here expecting my guard to be up, maybe even for me to fear him and tiptoe around him, but I wasn’t doing any of that.
When I finished with the chair, I walked straight up to him, with purpose. There could be no wishy-washy-ness to my actions. He wore his royal robes, but once again had come without his crown. I wondered if there was a reason for that or was it just awkward to wear outside of more formal settings?
“What can I do for you tonight, Your Majesty?” I asked, keeping my tone light, despite the darkness I knew I was inviting in. “Would you like a drink?” I tilted my head to the left, exposing my throat.
He stared at that white stretch of flesh, and the veins hidden just beneath it, but did not take me up on my invite. “What are you playing at, sorceress?” he asked in a low rumble.
“Nothing, Your Majesty,” I said, drawing a fingernail along my collarbone hard enough that blood bubbled up in its wake.
Keel’s eyes widened and darkened. His jaw tensed and his fists clenched and unclenched at his side. He wanted my blood, craved it so intensely that resisting the temptation was affecting him on a physical level, but it was obvious he still thought this was a trap. And in a way it was, just not the sort he was thinking.
He’d demanded obedience, but what if he’d only asked for that because he knew I’d bristle at giving it? And if I didn’t? Well, for one, he couldn’t shout rules and lessons at me anymore and, more importantly, I hoped my out-of-character behaviour would confuse him and maybe even get him talking.
“If you’re not thirsty, that’s okay too,” I said, smearing the fresh blood across the wound with the pad of my thumb and commanding my magic to heal it. “I just wanted to extend the invitation to my king. You know, be respectful.”
Anger flashed across his face. Anger I wasn’t expecting. I continued with my plan despite it. If I stopped now, he’d figure out it was all a scheme, instead of just having suspicions.
“Well, let me know if you change your mind.” I turned my back on him and headed towards the sleeping area. Once there, I busied myself with straightening the pillows and sheets, ignoring him.
This final bit of nonchalance proved to be too much. Keel careened into me. The force of the impact sent me rolling across the bed, but he was on me before I could fall off the other side. Keel’s vampire reflexes had gotten a big boost with the transition. I fought the urge to use magic since it wouldn’t do any good. It was also contrary to my whole staying calm, cool and submissive plan.
Keel’s body was hard and heavy on top of mine. He perched on my stomach, pinning both of my hands to the mattress above my head – a position more befitting a teenage wrestler than a king. Yet it was effective. I couldn’t wiggle more than my fingers.
“Throat,” he ordered. I’d known from the beginning that if he didn’t take my first offer, it would likely come to this. But for the purposes of my plan, I was willing to let him drink from me.
I leaned my head back and he sank his fangs into my throat. I couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath as he broke skin, the pain as always was instant and fierce, but I managed to avoid any other reaction. This became harder when the waves of ecstasy began crashing outwards from where his mouth met my neck, eclipsing everything except his touch and how his body was pressing against mine, and how I wanted more of both. Much more.
Only I didn’t. Like yesterday, it was the bond pulling, cajoling, hungering, not me.
When Keel lowered himself to lie beside me, though still not releasing my hands, I was sure I’d crumble, falling into him like a collapsing building. Electricity, desire, raw unadulterated need sizzled through every single nerve ending, threatening to be my undoing.
Ephraim was right, I did not understand what I was getting into bonding with a vampire. It stripped me of my free will in ways that I hadn’t even imagined, ways that would leave me disgusted and loathing myself come morning.
“Keel!” It should’ve been a shout, sharp, loud and unexpected, snapping him out of this tide that was pulling us under, but it was more of a moan. Even to my ears, it resembled a plea and not the kind of plea I’d intended to make.
Keel lifted his head from my neck. His eyes were black with hunger, darker than the depths of the deepest ocean.
“That is not how you address-” The final two words were lost to my lips as his mouth crushed against mine.
I tried to squirm away from him, tried to tell him not to do that, but as soon as I spoke, his tongue plunged in deepening the kiss. It was rough and forceful, and more than a little demanding, as if this was just another way for him to devour me. Not a turn-on at all, regardless of what the bond was transmitting. He needed to stop. Now.
Not only had we made a deal – one that definitely didn’t include this – but we were in danger of veering so far from my plan, I’d never claw my way back. We were also in danger of doing something much, much worse.
At the thought of that, I slammed my teeth closed, right on his tongue.
Keel’s blood rushed into my mouth in a gush. I gagged for the briefest of moments before its glory overcame me. It was a rich, delectable gravy laced with power and the promise of something that tasted like freedom – that comprised my last rational thought before the hunger overtook everything, as if I was suddenly the vampire in the equation and His Majesty was my most sought-after prey, which of course was crazy. I’d spent enough time in the compound to understand that Nosferatu were born and not made, no matter how much Hollywood disagreed.
I pushed my mouth against Keel’s, forgetting propriety, forgetting myself and forgetting all the lines I’d so carefully drawn in the sand. For his blood, I’d scribble them out. All that mattered was my tongue probing his, attempting to coax forth more of that sweet, sweet sustenance. A sound halfway between a moan and a growl rumbled up from his throat, and I wrapped my legs around his in response, encouraging him, encouraging more. What the hell was I doing? His clawed fingers dug into my wrists, skewering them. I should have been howling in agony, but his blood cancelled out everything but my hunger for him and the preternatural vitality his life force was feeding me.
It was heaven on tap. It was-
gone.
Keel let go of my hands and drew his forearm across my neck, forcibly separating us. I gnashed my teeth at him like a rabid, frothing dog, the whole of me screaming out for more blood. The raw, quaking want eclipsed all reason.
“No!” Keel said, so loud and firm it was as if he was not only saying it out loud but inside my head too. I froze. Not even daring to lick my lips.
He kept me pinned there until the blood lust waned and mortification took its place. Not because I’d attacked the king – he’d had it coming, though I doubted he’d see it that way – but the rest of it. The hunger. The want. I would have done anything to keep drinking. Anything.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I tried to look anywhere but at his eyes, which were still dark with wants and needs of his own.
Satisfied I was back in control, Keel withdrew his arm, untangled himself from my legs and stood up. He made his way across the room with purpose. At first, it looked like he was heading for the elevator, but he hung a left at the exercise mats, beelining straight for the whip.
“Get off the bed,” he ordered. Having collected the coil of leather, he made his way back to me.
I scrambled off the far side of the mattress, putting the same obstacle between us today that I’d refused to yesterday. It wouldn’t stop him but it might buy me a few seconds to think.
Only my mind was blank. Or rather it was still swooning on the high Keel’s blood gave it, not half as worried as it should have been about the rapidly advancing vampire unspooling a horse whip. My body, however, hadn’t forgotten how just one snap of it could tear through clothes and flesh.
“Your Majesty, I didn’t mean-,” I pleaded, as Keel rounded the foot of the bed, fear eating up my sentence before I could finish it. I tried again: “It’s the bond, it’s been doing something weird to me ever since I got back here, ever since the induction ceremony. Don’t you feel it?”
If I was right, the bond was screwing with Keel too, but I wasn’t sure he’d fess up to it.
“Feel it?” Keel roared. “It’s all I’ve been feeling, you manipulating me for months. Tugging, pulling, taking. Always taking. Demanding. Even now, you don’t know your place. Don’t know when to stop.”
I shrank away from his angry words and tried to make sense of them. So this was about more than what had happened between us on the bed. But what did he mean by “taking” and “demanding”? Sure, the bond did plenty of those things on its own, but me? Had I? When? When?!
My memory failed me. All I could concentrate on was the whip he was stroking, the one he intended to use on me.
“Bow before your king,” Keel shouted, voice booming now.
“Please…” I begged. My hands flew up in front of me even though they’d be useless against the sharp snap of leather. “Let’s just stop and figure this out.”
“You will obey me!” Keel’s left hand shot out, easily navigating past mine to land on my shoulder. From there, it was nothing for him to force me onto my knees, then forward into the position he sought.
I turtled, covering my head with my arms and tucking my bloody hands around my ears, hoping that would spare the most fragile parts of me from the beating that now seemed all but inevitable.
I heard Keel pull back the whip; it whistled through the air as he prepared to deliver the first blow. A second whistle signalled its return and one loud thunderclap later, a scorching hot line of pain peeled across my back. My shriek joined its song. He’d already broken skin.
As he wound up for another blow, my magic kicked. No, not my magic, something deeper, more primal.
The whip whistled at me once more, and I cringed against the floor as if I could somehow will it to swallow me. But this time, there was no fire on impact. In fact, there was no impact at all.
I heard another whistle, then many more. They were coming fast and hard, yet I felt nothing.
The magic’s actually working? I was flabbergasted.
But how? I wondered. I was cowering not casting.
I focused on the current flowing out of me, but it returned none of the usual sensations, only a repeated dull reverberation like I was buried in a great, big pile of pillows and someone was thumping on the topmost one.
Only when the room fell quiet and still did I dare to lift my head from the floor and peek out at Keel. He was hunched over, holding onto the bedpost, breathing heavy. The whip dangled loosely in his right hand.
“Drop that shield,” he demanded, “or you will face your punishment publicly in the arena.”
I considered telling him I couldn’t, that whatever this magic was, I wasn’t controlling it. But then I thought about how destroyed my back would be had even a fraction of Keel’s swings made it through, and I shook my head. “No,” I said, backing up the gesture with a word, and then a few more: “I will not. And I will not lower it in your precious arena either.”
“Drop it now!”
“No,” I repeated, getting to my feet and gaining confidence with each refusal.
The whip slid out of Keel’s hand, landing in a messy clump at his feet, and his face creased with fury. Then he was on me, fingers pressing into my throat like that magic wasn’t in play at all. He seemed as surprised by its sudden absence as I was. I struggled against his tightening grip, trying to figure out why it would save me one moment only to betray me the next. The bond had always made a strange sort of sense, it did what it did for a purpose, to achieve its goal, but this seemed random.
“You will submit,” he said. The accompanying growl made him sound crazed and inhuman.
But I couldn’t “submit” because I didn’t know how that magic worked or why it had suddenly stopped working now. Still, I needed to defuse the situation or we were going to get ourselves killed. I had to give him something else.
“Yes,” I choked out through my burning, half-strangled throat. Keel loosened his fingers. “Yes,” I said again, coughing as I gasped for air. “I will let you drink my blood. I will let you do whatever research you want to do about what the bond is doing to me – to us – and why. I will even agree to do whatever you need me to do as your personal in-house sorcerer, but I will not submit to a whipping. Public or otherwise.”
“You know I could do much worse to you right now, without a weapon.”
Careful, Mills, the voice in my head whispered. Misstep here and you’ll wish you’d settled for the whip.
“Yes, but I think you’d rather have my blood and my cooperation,” I said.
“Is that so?”
“It’s what a king who understood what a rare opportunity he has here would want.” It was a blatant attempt to appeal to his regal side as opposed to the raw, emotional, damaged part of him he’d been flaunting since my return.
Keel let go of my throat as he considered this. He obviously blamed me for things I’m not even sure I did, but perhaps there was still a way through all that, I’d just made the wrong choice. I needed to appeal to his sense of duty, rather than try to unsettle him into slipping up. Why hadn’t I seen that before?
I’m not sure how many minutes drifted by before he announced, “I want your obedience.”
“You have it, I swear.” I wondered if I’d replied too fast, seemed too eager. Eagerness wasn’t what I was going for so much as an end to the escalation. If either of us lost control again, I doubted there’d be any coming back.
“Do I?” Keel gave me a hard, appraising look. He reached out and scooped up one of my bloody wrists and brought it to his mouth. “Evidence says otherwise.”
“I told you, the bond-“
“No,” Keel cut me off, dropping my hand after only the briefest of tastes. “You just need the right motivation.”
That sounded ominous, more so because he punctuated that thought by leaving, but not before adding, “You will obey me, sorceress. In fact, you’ll be begging to serve me. You’ll see.”
The elevator doors slid shut on his last word, punctuating the sentence with a whoosh and thud.
We’d gone from authoritarian lessons to vague threats in less than one visit and it was all my fault. I had no idea if the bond worked like it used to, but if so, there was a good possibility my flailing emotions were causing even more noise in Keel’s head. Was that what he’d been talking about? Was that what had been behind all his anger?
I stood there staring at the space he’d occupied a minute earlier and tried to puzzle it out. My blood continued to drip from my wrists to the floor as the adrenaline rush subsided and the pain came into sharp focus; with it came the threads of what Keel had been accusing me of. It was all right in front of me, I just needed focus on the right one and pull and everything would make sense. I was sure of it.
Too bad that was much easier said than done.